i lost my way finding happiness after despair

It takes some serious mindfulness and awareness to turn that around. Instead of spending more time understanding ourselves, we indulge in self-bashing, self-abuse, and harsh judgments about ourselves. The inner critic is the most active when we need that voice to be appreciative and loving. Still, it’s not always easy to be good to ourselves. Reading Tiny Buddha’s 365 Love Challenges emphasized for me how self-love is the beginning of the expression of love toward everyone else in our world. I became less capable of experiencing joy, and therefore, giving it too. I became angry and, even worse, I felt entitled to my anger.

And then I blamed myself for feeling miserable, because strong people don’t waste time feeling miserable, do they?

I blamed myself for not being smart enough to catch my wrong decisions. I blamed myself for not being wise enough to make good decisions. I let them become set in stone and define my life. My relationships went through turmoil and turbulence. My financial situation was far from great. Of course, my future didn’t play out exactly as I’d imagined it would, and I encountered a series of disappointments. But as I think back, the hope for my future greatly outweighed my setbacks. The change was gradual, imperceptible.Īs a child and teenager, I had disappointments. Somewhere along the line I had lost my ability to laugh-truly laugh, with wonder and without worry.Īt first I brushed it off because I didn’t even notice myself changing. My mind trailed back to my childhood and teenage years and showed me images of a girl who could laugh easily, loudly, and madly. It comes from your own actions.” ~The Dalai LamaĪ while back my sister arrived for a family get-together and remarked, “Your mad laughter is missing.

I lost my way finding happiness after despair